What is emotion regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in a healthy way. It helps children respond to different situations without becoming overwhelmed and allows them to appropriately express their feelings and cope with challenges.

Emotion regulation is important because it:

• Helps children build strong social connections

• Allows kids to cope with stress 

• Fosters resilience 

• Encourages better behavior

• Reduces tantrums and frustration

• Improves focus and problem-solving skills

• Makes it easier to cope with daily challenges at home and school

• Promotes self regulations skills 

How can parents support emotion regulation skills?

• Model calm and appropriate emotional responses: Demonstrating how to stay calm and manage emotions sets an example for children to follow.

• Teach children to recognize, understand, and manage their feelings: Help children identify their emotions and develop strategies for coping with them.

• Practice coping skills: Breathing or sensory grounding techniques can be helpful when children are feeling upset. Practice calming coping skills, like deep breathing or sensory grounding techniques, which will help managers stress. 

• Establish predictable routines: Create a consistent daily schedule and display it with a visual routine chart to help children learn what to expect.

• Read books and stories about emotions: Reading stories that explore different emotions helps children relate to their own feelings to different characters and in different situations. 

• Offer two choices: Giving children a sense of control by offering them two choices. It can help them feel empowered and make emotional regulation easier.

• Reference a feelings chart: Keep a feelings chart visible and refer to it regularly to help children identify and express their emotions.

  

Signs of emotional dysregulation in kids

• Frequent meltdowns or tantrums

• Difficulty calming down after getting upset

• Challenging behaviors like hitting, kicking or yelling

• Extreme sensitivity to minor frustrations 

• Withdrawing from social interactions

• Struggling with transitions or changes in routine

How to respond to emotional dysregulation

• Stay calm and offer reassurance: Validate your child's big feelings by acknowledging their emotions (e.g., “I understand this is really frustrating. I’m here for you.”).

• Help identify emotions: Guide your child in recognizing and identifying which emotions they are feeling (e.g., “It seems like you are feeling frustrated right now.”).

• Co-regulate: Model calming strategies like deep breathing or sensory grounding techniques to help your child regulate their emotions (e.g., “Let’s take some deep breaths together”).

• Provide a quiet space for cooling down: If your child is upset, take them to a quiet place where both the child and parent can cool down together, like a "quiet corner."

• Acknowledge positive behavior: Praise your child for displaying positive behaviors, even in moments of frustration(e.g., “Thank you for telling me you’re feeling angry. I am so proud of you”).

  

Emotional regulations struggles

Some children struggle with emotional regulation due to:

• Developmental differences

• Temperament style

• Sensory sensitivities

• Underlying mental health conditions like ADHD or anxiety

• Parenting styles like highly permissive or strict parenting

• Trauma

• Lack of healthy emotional modeling

Teaching and supporting emotional development in kids

You can start teaching and supporting emotional development from birth. Babies learn about emotions through parent-child interactions (co-regulation). As toddlers and preschoolers grow, parents can actively teach emotional regulation skills by helping them recognize and identify their emotions and guide them toward calming techniques and coping skills. The earlier children learn these skills, the better equipped they are to handle big emotions as they grow.

When to consult a pediatric mental health expert

Consult a pediatric mental health expert if your child exhibits any of the following:

• Frequent, intense, or prolonged meltdowns (lasting over 20 to 30 minutes) that are difficult to manage.

• Persistent aggression, such as hitting, biting, or harming themselves or others.

• Excessive clinginess, difficulty separating from caregivers, or avoiding everyday activities due to fear.

• Ongoing sadness, irritability, or withdrawal from activities they usually enjoy.

• Struggles to self-soothe with parental support.

• Unexplained loss of previously mastered skills, such as toileting or language skills.

• Emotional struggles that interfere with preschool, playing with peers, or daily life at home.

If you have questions about your child’s emotional regulation abilities, reach out to your local or Summer Health pediatrician for support. Summer Health is a pediatric telehealth platform offering 24/7 care, providing answers for everything from urgent concerns to everyday questions about your child’s health.