Separation anxiety in babies and toddlers

What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental phase where babies or toddlers experience distress and worry when separated from their parents or caregivers. Separation anxiety occurs because kids form strong emotional bonds with parents or caregivers and feel uncomfortable and anxious when they aren't around.

When do babies develop separation anxiety?

You may notice separation anxiety when your baby is between 6 to 9 months old as they begin to understand the concept of object permanence—that people and things still exist even when out of sight. Separation anxiety usually peaks at 10 to 18 months, but, like most developmental milestones, the timing can vary.

Duration

Separation anxiety usually lasts for a few months. It fades when children reach 2 or 3 years old, as they become more independent and develop trust that their parents or caregivers will return. However, mild separation anxiety can persist beyond this age, particularly during big transitions or stressful situations.

Signs of separation anxiety in babies

• Crying or fussing when a parent or caregiver leaves the room
• Clinging to parent or caregiver
• Refusing to be with other people
• Distressed and anxious around strangers
• Sleep disturbances, especially without a parent or caregiver nearby
• Severe distress in new places or unfamiliar environments

Strategies to manage separation anxiety in babies

• Leave your baby with a trusted caregiver for short periods to help them adjust. Gradually increase the duration of these separations to help them build confidence that you will come back.
• Practice consistent and reassuring routines for a smoother parting, like a quick goodbye with a hug or a special phrase.
• Offer your baby a favorite blanket, lovey, or toy to provide reassurance when you're away
• Stay calm and positive during goodbyes to reduce your child’s anxiety.

Why do toddlers have separation anxiety?

Just like babies, toddlers experience separation anxiety as a natural part of their developmental growth. As they start exploring their world and gaining independence, they may feel insecure when separated from their parents or caregivers. Their strong emotional attachment and not understanding that their parent or caregiver will return can lead to anxiety while separating.

Duration

In toddlers, separation anxiety typically fades by age 3, but some kids continue to experience it into their preschool years. It often resurfaces during stressful life changes, such as starting daycare, moving to a new home, or welcoming a new sibling. These transitions can reignite feelings of insecurity and anxiety about separation.

Causes of separation anxiety in toddlers

• More independent but still feels insecure
• May not fully understand the concept of time or when a parent or caregiver will return
• Starting school, daycare, or being around new people
• New events like welcoming a new sibling, moving homes, or a drastic change in routine
• Past separations can resurface and bring back feelings of anxiousness

Signs of separation anxiety in toddlers

• Crying or tantrums during moments of separation
• Clinginess and refusal to separate
• Fear at bedtime, difficulty sleeping alone, or frequent wake-ups at night
• Refusing to go to school or daycare
• Reversion to earlier behaviors like thumb-sucking pacifier use
• Physical complaints before separation, like stomach aches or ear hurting

Strategies to manage separation anxiety in toddlers

• Discuss separation in simple terms. Validate your child's fears, worries, and feelings, like saying: “You’re sad that I’m leaving, and that’s hard. I hear you."
• Establish a short and comforting routine that reassures them you'll return, like a special hug or a wave.
• Allow your toddler to have a favorite toy or blanket for comfort while you're away.
• Start with brief separations to help your toddler gradually adjust to separations.
• Model confidence and stay calm and positive about the separation, as your emotions can influence how they react.
• Praise small steps, like successfully playing alone or spending time with another caregiver, to build their confidence.
• Explore their feelings through picture books or engage in pretend play to help them process big emotions.

Do kids outgrow separation anxiety?

Most children outgrow separation anxiety by age 3 or 4 as they become more independent and confident. Separation anxiety may occasionally recur during transitions or stressful events.

When to call a pediatrician or child developmental expert

• If your child’s separation anxiety lasts beyond age 4 or 5 and interferes with daily activities like school or social interactions.
• If anxiety leads to significant distress for your child and family, such as frequent tantrums, excessive crying, or physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches.
• If there are signs of regression in other developmental areas, such as sleep, appetite, or toilet training.
• If your child’s anxiety worsens or doesn’t improve with supportive strategies over time.